Being Sawyer Knight Read online

  Being Sawyer Knight

  by Nicola Haken

  Being Sawyer Knight

  Copyright© 2014 Nicola Wall

  Cover Design by reesedante.com

  Edited by Holly Baker

  This book is a work of fiction. All names, characters, places and events are created from the author’s imagination, or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to any actual events or people, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced without written permission from the author, except in the case of critics or reviewers who may quote brief passages in their review. If you are reading this eBook and have not purchased it or won it in a blogger/author competition then you are reading a pirated version. Please support the author by deleting this copy and purchasing it from an authorised distributor.

  Dedicated to my oldest friend and very own fairy-boy, Paul ‘Luap’ Horrocks.

  Contents

  Prologue

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Epilogue

  Acknowledgements

  About the Author

  Prologue

  “I can’t believe you’re really leaving,” I said, almost mournfully to Jake. We’ve been best friends since primary school. We’ve always done everything together. When we were younger we’d team up to make fun of the girls, we’d hang out after school to play with our Power Rangers and drive our mum’s mental. Then when we got older we’d hide behind the school bike sheds together to grab a smoke at break time, join forces on the Nintendo when we should be doing homework, chase the girls… Or rather I’d chase the girls, and he’d stand aside while I had my fun.

  But this morning everything changed. His dad has landed himself a dream job in Australia and Jake and his family are leaving. Tomorrow morning.

  “And you’ll miss the party next week,“ I added, as if my eighteen birthday would be reason enough for his dad to change his mind and stay - give up his career all for the sake of my party.

  “It’s shit I know. But hey, you’ll be fine. You’ve got the guys and that chick in your maths class who’s been coming on to you since you started sixth form.” By ‘the guys’ Jake was referring to Kip, Jacob and Mike. We’ve been buddies since high school, Kip and I even longer, and last year decided to start up a band together. And the chick? That would be Elle. She’s been helping me out in the library at lunch with my maths assignments, but I haven’t told Jake because he’ll just assume I want to screw her. And I don’t. She’s smart, pretty and funny as shit, but she’s more like a sister to me. “You’ll be too busy being famous and getting laid to miss me,” he joked.

  “Yeah right,” I said, dismissing him. I’m not stupid enough to think the band will go anywhere, but I play mean guitar, I love singing and have a decent enough voice to play the local pubs and clubs every weekend. That’s why I’m taking maths and English A levels too. If the music doesn’t work out, I’m guaranteed a decent job with those qualifications behind me. “It’s just gonna be weird. We’ve been mates forever.”

  Fuck I was sounding like a complete pussy, but I couldn’t help it. He was my best friend and I was going to miss him. I supposed I’d taken him for granted all these years and I didn’t know how big a part of my life he was until I discovered he wouldn’t be in it anymore.

  “Want to grab a pizza? A last supper so to speak?”

  “Sure,” I agreed as we neared the college gates. “What about your A levels? Will you be able to carry that on over there?”

  “I don’t know. Think they’re called something different over there but that’s my dad’s plan, for me to finish my education and be something smart.”

  “I’ve no doubt you’ll be something smart, mate. You always did beat my arse at tests.”

  “Only ‘cause I copied off Danny Henderson,” he fired back. He was talking shit. Jake is a smart arse - quicker than anything and smarter than Carol fuckin’ Vorderman.

  Hooking the strap of my bag across my body, we made our way to the bus stop before hopping on the 419 into town. After wandering the shopping centre for a while, talking shit and taking the piss out of the cleaners in their bright blue tabards, we ventured into Pizza Hut and ordered our usual Meat Feast to share between us.

  “I’m gonna miss you, Sawyer,” Jake said before wiping the corners of his lips on a napkin. For the first time in forever we both stayed quiet while we ate our pizza. What was there to discuss? We couldn’t plan anything, talk about what game we were gonna play tomorrow or where we were going next weekend. He wasn’t going to be here, so what was the point?

  “We should get going. Jerry will go ballistic on my arse if I’m out much longer.” Jerry is my stepdad, and the biggest arsehole in the world. He married my mum when I was seven and didn’t show a shred of interest in my existence until my band started getting gigs at local pubs. Now all of a sudden, he’s really proud of me and wants to be our manager. I couldn’t refuse him because I knew it would upset my mum - she hates it when we don’t get along. But I also knew the fucker only wanted in to take a cut of the money I earned.

  Looking at my watch I noted we still had another twenty minutes before the bus was due, so instead of taking the direct walkway to the station, we killed some time by walking the long way, past the shops and through the alleys. It was getting late, the shops were closing and it was dark above us. An old woman walked past us and when she neared us, she took one look at the hoody pulled up over my head and picked up her pace. I couldn’t help snorting a laugh - some people are so judgemental.

  “Saw, wait up,” Jake called. I was walking a few steps in front so I stopped at the sound of his voice and turned around.

  “What’s up?” I asked with a cock of my head. He just stood there - staring at me. I walked curiously towards him, worried something was wrong. He wouldn’t quit with the staring and it was starting to freak me out. When I reached him he started walking forwards towards me and instinctively I stepped backwards before he bumped into me. But he kept coming, so I kept retreating… until my back hit a brick wall.

  “Mate, what the fuck is wrong with you?” I asked nervously, suddenly feeling a little breathless. He was right in front of me now. He pulled down his hood and the streetlight above us lit up his face, making his blue eyes sparkle as they bored into mine. “Jake?” I pressed again. He was just… staring. Like he didn’t know whether to punch me or… kiss me? No. No fucking way. “Jake you’re freaking me out. For fuck’s sake, say something!”

  The weirdest part of this whole thing was that even though I felt confused, a little scared and wholly uncomfortable… it didn’t even occur to me to push him away. Not even when he placed his hands on my shoulders.

  “Sawyer,” he whispered, his voice strained like he was in pain. “I’m going to miss you like crazy.”

  “Uh… yeah I know. You said.”

  Christ, I was practically panting. What the fuck was going on?

  “No, Sawyer. You don’t know, and I can’t leave until you do. I’ll be on the other side of the world soon, so I guess that means I’ve got nothing to lose.” I opened my mouth to speak but all that came out was a rush of breath. “I love you, Saw. I’ve loved you since we were fourteen.”

&n
bsp; What. The. Fuck.

  “Jake… quit fucking around,” I said, forcing playfulness into my voice. What the hell had gotten into him? Ignoring me, he pressed his chest against mine and I gulped. “Seriously, mate.” He needed to back the fuck off… so why was I suddenly nervous that he might actually do just that?

  “I’m not fucking around, Sawyer,” he said calmly… seriously. Then he brought his palm up to my cheek and my breath caught as his fingers moved down and smoothed over the light stubble along my jaw. Now would be a good time to deck the fucker. “You must’ve noticed the fact I’ve never had a girlfriend. Or seen the way I look at you when you shower after P.E? Or the way my breathing gets heavy when I smell that body spray you wear?”

  Of course I’d noticed the no girlfriend thing, but to be honest I put it down to him being a geek who was too busy studying to be arsed chasing girls when he could just have a wank instead. As for the shower and heavy breathing thing? No fucking way did I ever notice that.

  “Jake…” His name came out as a breathy whisper. To my ears it almost sounded like a pleading whisper. Obviously I’d misheard, so I pulled my hood down too so I could hear myself properly. Push him away now, Sawyer.

  “I love you, Sawyer Antony Knight.” When his other palm cupped the other side of my face, my eyes wandered down to his wrist, following the trail up his arm until they landed on his face, meeting his gaze. Seriously, push him away. Punch him. Beat the living shit out of him for pulling this kind of stunt on you! “I’m going to kiss you, Saw.” Like fuck you are! Move, body…WALK AWAY! “I’m going to kiss you and take that memory with me to treasure for the rest of my life.”

  Cautiously, never taking his eyes from mine as if he were assessing my reaction, his face inched closer to mine. When his breath swept over my face, I started breathing so heavily I felt like I was going to die from the pressure in my chest. No matter how hard I tried to force it out with each breath, it wouldn’t leave…

  Until his lips touched mine and I stopped breathing altogether.

  He planted soft, careful kisses along my bottom lip, pulling away after each one and studying my expression. When I didn’t react, he kissed me again - only this time he pulled me into him with his hands cradling each side of my head. I didn’t want to look at him - didn’t want to believe this was really happening, but no matter how hard I tried to close my eyes they refused. Jake dipped his tongue into my mouth and I gasped, almost choking on the taste of him. Suddenly I was ravenous. This time I did close my eyes and forced myself to concentrate on the amazing feeling against my lips, the intoxicating taste on my tongue… and the sound of his soft, barely there stubble grazing against my own. Unconsciously my hands wound around his back, pulling his body against mine. I could feel his hard dick straining against the denim of his jeans, and when I found myself wanting to reach down and cup it, I pulled away - disgusted with myself.

  “Jesus, Sawyer. If I’d known you’d react like that I would’ve told you three years ago.”

  “I…I didn’t… I mean I don’t…”

  “It’s okay, Saw. I’m leaving remember? I won’t tell anyone you’re g-”

  “I”M NOT…” I couldn’t even say the word. “You shouldn’t have done that, Jake! What the fuck were you thinking?”

  “I was thinking that I’d wanted you for the last three years, and I couldn’t leave without tasting you.”

  “You’re out of order. Why the fuck would you pull this shit on me? I’m not… I’m not like that.”

  “This tells me otherwise,” he said with a cocky smile, cupping my dick through my pants.

  “GET THE FUCK OFF ME!” I yelled at him. Then I shoved him off me with so much force he stumbled, saving himself on a lamppost. “You had no right to do that to me!” I growled in his face. “I’m fucking glad you’re leaving,” I spat.

  “Sawyer,” he muttered pleadingly. “Mate, come on…”

  “You lost the right to call me ‘mate’ about ten fuckin’ minutes ago. Get the fuck out of my life, Jake, and don’t ever contact me again.”

  “Sawyer,” he called after me when I started jogging towards the bus station. “Sawyer I’m sorry!”

  And those were the last words I ever heard from my best friend.

  Chapter One

  Ten Years Later…

  “So tell me…” the journalist whose name I’d already forgotten began with an eager smile. Leaning forward in her chair she continued… “What’s it like being Sawyer Knight?”

  Oppressive.

  Tiring.

  Lonely.

  “Awesome. Of course it is. I’m a very lucky guy.” I gave the same robotic answer I’ve been trained to give, but feeling the lie coat my tongue made me remember why I don’t usually agree to do interviews. It’s all bullshit. They ask the questions the world is apparently dying to know the answers to, but they only want the ‘right’ answers. They’re only interested in the fame, the money and the glamour of it all. Not me. They don’t give a flying fuck about me - Sawyer the human being.

  “And how are you feeling about being back in the UK?”

  “It’s great. Good to be home.” I kept my answers short and evasive, flashing her the wink that seems to make every female on the planet squirm on the spot.

  “Will you be visiting anyone special while you’re here?” she asked with a raised eyebrow. What she meant was, am I seeing anyone, who is she and when are we getting married. Crossing my ankle over my knee, I had to try really hard not to roll my eyes and walk the hell out of there.

  “We’ll be too busy with the tour to take time out for ourselves. But I hope to catch up with my friend while I’m here.”

  It’s not really a ‘hope’. I’ve already seen Elle and will see her every single day while I’m here, but I don’t need the pond scum, known as the paparazzi, following her every goddamn second. Not that my silence will make much, if any, difference, but I’ve still got to try.

  “That would be Elle Wilson, right?”

  “Right.”

  “And she’s really just a friend?”

  “No. She’s my best friend.” The interfering journalist sighed and I could tell she was getting frustrated at the fact her attempts to drag some dirt out of me were futile.

  “And what about the guys? What are their plans?”

  “I imagine they’ll take a day to visit their families, but really you’d have to ask them.” Except she couldn’t because the arseholes didn’t turn up this morning, leaving me to deal with this shit on my own. My fist was already itching to punch each one of my band mates in the face. Twice.

  She went on to ask me a couple more simple questions with hidden meanings but I think the impressive yawn I let out gave her a clue as to where this was heading and she flipped her notepad closed. So, after using just ten minutes of her allotted twenty, she gave up.

  “Well Sawyer,” she said, drawing the interview to a close. “It was a pleasure meeting you today.”

  “Likewise,” I completely fucking lied.

  I shook her hand, because she offered hers, then stood up and walked towards the door.

  “Oh, before you go!” she called after me. I stopped and turned my body to face her, trying very hard not to groan. “Would you like to address the rumours about your-”

  “Time’s up,” our PR manager, Claire, interrupted. I shot first the interviewer, and then Claire, the deadliest glare I could summon and then literally stormed out of the room like a pissed off teenager.

  “Sawyer!” she called after me, her heels clicking furiously against the floor as she tried to catch up with me. “Sawyer, wait up!”

  “Front or back?” I asked Jim, our temporary head of security, when I approached - ignoring Claire completely.

  “Back. There’s a mob of girls out front and we don’t have the numbers to get you through there safely,” he replied. Our security team has gone to shit since Billy got fired a couple of weeks ago so public appearances have been limited. Hopefully the new gu
y they’re bringing in to head the team will sort that shit out.

  I hurried through some double glass doors, down some stairs and then out through a back door marked ‘Staff Only’ with Jim and Neil flanking me either side. Our drivers were waiting for us just a step away from the exit and I ducked inside the back of the car, welcoming the privacy of the blacked out windows. Jim climbed in beside me, and Neil got in the car behind with Claire. I knew I’d have to talk to her eventually but right now I was too pissed off. She arranges all this godforsaken interview shit and she knows how I feel about it, which is why she should have made sure the other guys were there to take some of the heat.

  Jim tried to make small talk on the way back to the hotel but seemingly thought better of it when all he got in return was a huff. I texted Elle en-route to ask if she had time to meet up later and when she replied with a ‘hell yeah’, my mother of a bad mood instantly started lifting.

  “Do you ever get used to seeing that kinda thing, mate?” Jim asked, directing his gaze towards a giant billboard with our picture on it. I’d seen several on our way here this morning, all announcing the tour dates.

  “Don’t really notice ‘em anymore,” I clipped, still drowning in my bad mood. Honestly, after all these years, seeing my face lit up on a billboard is no stranger than seeing a framed picture of myself up on my grandma’s living room wall. At least that would be the case, if she were still alive.

  For once, getting into the hotel unseen was relatively simple. We used the back doors and were escorted to our suites on the top floor by hotel security. A shot of whiskey and a sleep – that’s what I wanted. But of course I wasn’t fucking lucky enough to get it.

  “Where the fuck were you guys?” I blasted when I waltzed into my suite and found the rest of the guys lounging across my furniture.

  “Um, yeah… sorry about that, dude,” Matt sniggered, rolling a joint filled with fuck knows what.